saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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