fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
