we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
