Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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