I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
