it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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