This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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