I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
