Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
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