If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
