I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Shame is for Republicans.
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