Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
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I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
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I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
cake and sex. what better combination is there.