Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
