I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
