watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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