I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
