we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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