You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
