But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
