Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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