My nipple is on Facebook.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
