yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
