evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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