I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
