Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
His nipple licking is glorious
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