They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
