I am puke
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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