also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
