Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
