One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
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