Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
