i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
