this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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