Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
