Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
