If i come over, it means nothing
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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