forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
