my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
