Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
