Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
