mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
