she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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