She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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