so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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