i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
