And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
