Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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