I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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