When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
