So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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