after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
