i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
he fucked my hip out of place.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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