I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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