I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
