i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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