He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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