ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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