So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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