I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
