There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
