i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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