I could have mohawked her pubes.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
