The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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