ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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