Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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