I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
