yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
