idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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